The Parents' Guide to Paying for Your Kid’s Wedding

While it was once customary for the bride’s family to pick up the wedding tab, times have certainly changed. These days, parents, on average, cover 52 percent of the budget while couples take on the remaining 48 percent, according to a recent report from The Knot. Even though it can feel more equitable to share the financial load, both parties are still shelling out a big chunk of cash for the big day: The average total cost of a wedding has increased slightly: from $29,000 in 2023 to $33,000 this year.

Bankrolling such a large-scale event invites big emotions—and sometimes even bigger expectations. So before you dive into the planning, learn more about how you can contribute to your child’s dream wedding without straining your relationship—or your finances. 

The parents' guide to paying for your kid’s wedding

Set clear money expectations

The first and biggest step to a smooth wedding planning process is being upfront about how much you can contribute. While you should consider letting your child and partner use that money however they choose (perhaps even for non-wedding expenses like the honeymoon or a down payment for a home), you could also define how you want those funds used.

Just be sure that you’re clear from the beginning if you’d like your contributions to be used in a particular way so that you can avoid potential conflicts during the planning process. And if there’s anything you’re not comfortable paying for, say so upfront. That way, you can avoid any surprises when it comes time to put down deposits or pay bills.

Discuss the guest list early on

A big potential point of contention for couples and their parents is who gets to attend the wedding—and who doesn’t. Avoid guest list conflicts by discussing the size and scope of the wedding along with the budget, especially since adding more guests after planning is already under way can add unexpected costs.

If you would like to include extended relatives or family friends—but your child and their partner aren’t on board with that—consider hosting an engagement party before the wedding so that you can include these guests without compromising what your child and their partner envision for their big day. (Do let these guests know that the couple intends to have a smaller wedding since, traditionally, engagement party guests are invited to the big day.)

You can also work with the couple to set clear guest list boundaries that you can all agree on, such as how many extra guests each set of parents may invite or how to limit the list of extended family (perhaps to first cousins only).

Online tools, like this guest list manager, can help everyone involved in planning stay organized and maintain transparency throughout the planning process. 

Enlist professional help

Unless you, your child or their partner is a professional event planner, it’s a good idea to hire outside help to assist with the logistics. (And many venues will require that you retain at least a day-of coordinator anyway). While hiring a pro will take a chunk of your budget, this person can help you stay on-track money-wise and make thoughtful suggestions for saving cash along the way by helping you decide what details really matter.

A wedding planner can also lend an objective outsider's perspective. While it’s not the only option for getting outside input, hiring a wedding planner can be helpful with decision making, especially in the face of inevitable differences in opinion.

Working with your financial advisor can also be a good third party to involve, especially if wedding planning marks the first time that your family is discussing financial issues together.

Enlisting a professional who can mediate a money discussion can not only help prevent tensions or misunderstandings but also provide needed perspective on how this event fits into your broader financial plan.

Understand that times have changed

While many couples continue to follow the more traditional wedding format—ceremony, cocktail hour, a formal meal—your child may want to forgo some traditions, such as having flowers on tables and a champagne toast. Weddings today, especially in our post-pandemic era, don’t always look the same as they did in the past. In 2024, couples are more likely to focus on the experience of the wedding itself rather than on what they may consider to be antiquated constraints.

Do your best to show your support and generosity by reserving judgment if the couple makes a choice you don’t agree with—even if that choice ends up not working out as expected. In the end, the wedding should reflect the tastes and sensibilities of your child and their partner, for better or for worse.

If there is a detail that really matters to you, you can, of course, express your opinion. But choose your battles wisely since you can’t expect to choose—or even have a say in—every single aspect of your child’s wedding.

Remember that this is their big day

It's easy to get emotional, and even heated, in the throes of wedding planning, especially when your money is funding the event. But ultimately, the big day belongs to the happy couple—no matter who is paying. Reminding your child that you’re footing the bill will only foster resentment and have them regret your involvement, which is likely the opposite of what you want.

Remember, you’ve already had your turn to plan a wedding. This celebration is your child’s chance to have that experience. Allow them to create the wedding of their dreams by showing support, not overstepping.